Let's Conspire To Ignite

doodletrouble asked: Pst! Just read your "thankful" post. I'm proud of you, Pig! Will always be your number one fan sa fashion line chuchu mong yan. When you get your first ever fashion show, front row ako ha! Batukan kita pag hindi LOLJK. Melovesyoumucho!! :*

I LOVE YOU. SUPER. :* Congratulations, (SEXY)Pig! <3 

Thankful

Photo I took randomly outside the house

I remember writing on random nights before I headed off to UP Visayas. I remember writing about making important life decisions. I remember writing about what I wanted to be and how I wanted my life to turn out. I remember writing about how I never wanted to go to UP but will eventually get to love it after four years of sleepless nights.

Here I am. Four years of sleepless night after. I’ve always rehearsed in my head how I’d be marching with my graduation dress. I’ve always imagined changing my Facebook profile picture to my graduation picture. I’ve always written in my head its caption, making sure every like and comment will be accompanied with a tear and ‘I’m so proud of this woman.’ I’ve always wanted to settle with a pre-med degree and go somewhere, because we all know that everyone wanted a Doctor, or someone close to that.

Here I am. Four years of sleepless night after. I’m sitting here, wondering if this feeling of being left behind will eventually go away. I’m writing on Tumblr, while playing Drops Of Jupiter as I can totally relate to this song. I’m constantly checking on everyone’s status updates and liking them. Don’t get me wrong, I really am happy for my friends who will be graduating. I’m dreading every minute of my 8-hour summer ‘internship’.

Here I am. A non-Public Health, non-graduating, Clothing Technology UP student. Who would’ve thought I would be this sad for myself? I’m not the type to get left behind. I could imagine some people asking me why I didn’t pursue my previous course. I could imagine them telling me how I would make more money. I could imagine the look that they always give me whenever I tell them that my course, Clothing Technology, is quite a challenge.

Here I am. Four years of sleepless nights after. I’m still working on some school work while my friends are out there, going to graduation parties. I could write all the sacrifices I made just to survive, but it would be depressing. So instead, I write about how I am truly proud of myself.

I am proud of myself because I am passionate. I am proud of myself because I have the guts to follow my dreams, no matter how long it will take me to graduate. I am proud of myself because I made the best choices. For instance, shifting to a totally different course. I am proud of myself because I would be able to tell people that unlike other 20-somethings, I am happy with my course. I am proud of myself because I am not afraid of anything (except maybe, dogs and cats and blood). I am not afraid of what people, my family, will say about how I choose to live my life. I am not afraid to graduate without honors - cause in the world where I might just settle, you can’t just go on telling people you had a Latin honor, you have to prove it. I am not afraid to wander in an industry where trust/friendship/(insert other nouns) is nowhere to be found. I am not afraid to explore this world alone. I am not afraid to get lost in the beauty of my dreams. I am not afraid to say that, I am happy with this kind of suffering. I am not afraid, most of all, to protect myself and the decisions I made.

And yes, the four years of sleepless nights have contributed to those realizations. I might have to spend another year of no sleeping. Another year of coffee marathons. Another year to grow my hair and fix my acne problems. Another year to look pretty for yearbook photos. Another year to spend with my friends in school. Another year to grow. Another year. I couldn’t be more thankful.

(PS: Congratulations, Graduating class! <3)

Summer Days

These were taken when my brother and I decided to jog around the village. I just wanted to feel cute walking/running around with a camera but I failed miserably. Also, I thought I could catch the sunset. Maybe later.